Following an incident in which a girl twisted her ankle, PE teachers are told to restrict ascendency based activity.
Another school has come in for ridicule this week, after the banning of triangular shaped flapjacks at an Essex comprehensive.
PE teachers at Greengables Specialist Sports College in Medway, Kent, were told to tie a piece of PE knicker elastic to a point just 1.5 metres on the climbing rope, suspended from the apparatus, and insist that all students begin to descend again the moment it was reached.
It is understood that the decision was made after a Year 7 girl jumped – voluntarily – from the traditional piece of gymnasium equipment when still at least six inches off the ground. She landed on a large blue crash mat but still managed to turn her ankle.
Medway council said the ban was “not a council decision” but confirmed that a full blown emergency meeting was called, complete with lunch, to discuss the school’s decision and if they should be seen to support it, as it was felt it had been a quiet week and they hadn’t been in the news enough.
School spokesman and part time teacher of Russian, Ivor Readan of Greengables, 32, said: “I can confirm that the said piece of knicker elastic was volunteered by female teaching assistant, 36 year old raven haired strumpet, Miss Ima Goer, in an act of generosity at short notice. At no point was Miss Goer coerced into removing her standard issue navy blue PE knickers and no-one was heard to make any comments at all along the lines of “they’re a bit in the loose side anyway, not that we’re suggesting anything” you understand.”
Reports suggest, however, that Head of P.E, 93 year old Didley Squat-Thrust, was seen to ‘tut’ at the instruction, given by the Pastoral Care team, before mumbling something about “we only had a bloody flat green bit of rubber to land on in my day, but we didn’t go round twisting our ankles all the time, bunch of wusses …”
Witnesses report that Mr. Squat-Thrust was subsequently hushed by Pastoral Care Manager, Mrs Feeble, 52, who herself was forced to deny that she had consistently misused cotton wool from the first aid box.
Year 10 boys reacted by stringing their school ties together and using them to scale the canteen in protest.
Jaye Nolan 
Hope they enjoyed their lunch and that there were no dangerous chicken bones in the sandwiches to choke any of the Council members ….
The world is a dangerous place, especially for children…
In reality, and as it’s now past midday I think we can return there, the sooner our younger citizens learn about the world that is, and how best to approach and handle it, the better and stronger they will become.
It’s how I learned about life in general, despite being a thin and weedy, gawky kid with glasses (a ‘nerd’ in today’s terms, I suspect) and easily bullied – especially by the group of tall boys in my class at school.
We all have to learn to face reality, and it is best that we are allowed to do so from the outset.