It’s the difference between fellow Twitterers knowing you’re human or assuming you’re a spambot.

I guess it’s no secret that Twitter is my preferred platform for social media. The intelligent middle sibling to Facebook’s older, weight-on-its-shoulders weariness and Snapchat’s excitable, just-entering-puberty teenager, Twitter’s combination of wit, quick-fire natter and the opportunity to quickly connect with people I share interests with, as well as take part in world wide conversations in real time, is a brilliant combo I’m unable to resist. Specially #games.

So what do I look for when someone follows me, or an account is suggested to me by Twitter?

1. The Twitter Egg. Get rid. You need to change that itsy bitsy little icon and give me a clue as to who you are. It doesn’t have to be a full face profile, it could be a cartoon of you, your favourite flower, lucky mascot, business logo  – anything other than the egg. The only egg I want to see should follow the phrase “Truth! Justice! Freedom! Reasonably Priced Love and a hard-boiled …”

2. Bio #1: :#Don’t #Hashtag #Every #Word #In #Your #Bio. It’s messy, it’s unprofessional, it looks like you know you should use hashtags, but don’t actually know how or why you’re using them. And it totally suggests you’re going to spam my timeline with a load of crappy links I’ve no interest in.

3. Banner photo: A nice banner photo shows me what you’re interested in and informs who you are in some way – and, if you’re a business, it won’t blatantly flog what you do but gently highlight it.

4. Bio #2: Don’t leave it blank. How will I know if we’ve anything in common? Stick to your basic interests eg. Chocoholic Strictly Come Dancing Fan, or, maybe you’re one of those ultra clever, witty people who can make people laugh – or think – with just one line. (That isn’t some pretentious quote you’ve made up.)

5. Location: I’ll follow most local people who follow me (i.e Kent/South East – if they appear to be quite normal) because they may well be sharing local activities and information I’d like to see and can discuss with them. But if there’s no location listed and they appear to be a bit random… *raises palms*

6. Website: I’m always suspicious of anyone who clearly has a website but doesn’t share it – particularly businesses. How business-like are you, if you don’t think to do that?

7. Tweet value: I’ll check out your last half dozen tweets and if they’re all links to the same weight loss programme/latest gadgets/buy Twitter followers/check out my Etsy/Ebay/website, I’ll say bye bye right away. Mix it up, share other stuff, RT some nice things, be holding a conversation with someone. Solely broadcasting your own thing adds no value to my existence.

8. ‘Buy Twitter Followers’ accounts: Just don’t follow me. Don’t waste your time, or more importantly, mine.

If you think you can pass scrutiny, I’m @Scattyjan 😉

(Please note, when I’m busy I do tend to fail on number 7. It’s the thought that counts …)